Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
