just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
God gave him joint rollers for hands
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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