Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Drunk is not a location!
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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