The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
