i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
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We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
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Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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