Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
