I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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