Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
