well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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