Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
