this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
