You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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