Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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