Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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