He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
