Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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