I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
this boner is exhausting
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
