Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
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Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
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dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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