is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
