i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
