quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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