I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
