My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
