evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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