Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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