Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
