Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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