I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
