I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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