ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
