Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
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I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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