Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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