Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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