Me too!
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
