I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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