the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
