I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
