If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
