I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
