i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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