I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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