somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
