I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
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I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
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my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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