Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
