I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
