so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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