I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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