I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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