cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
