Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
