Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
