she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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