Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
