I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
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he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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