oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
And then he peed in my hair
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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