i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i want to swaddle you in tequila
She swung at the pinata with crutches
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
