there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
