He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
