You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
