I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
3pm strippers are depressing
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
