there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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