If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
