please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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