I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
