so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
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