someone threw a dead crab at me
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
We left the knife in your bed.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
