I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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