grandma shit on top of the toilet
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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