i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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