Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She liked it
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
15 Porn Memes You’re Only Allowed To Laugh At If You’re Over 18
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.