dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.