i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
