My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
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By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
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I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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